Whew! I got it! I just finished the angel reading on judgements, had a shower and began my yoga, when I recognized me in the reading. Judgements attract judgements, intolerance attracts more intolerance.
I discovered that the people I was judgemental about were very judgemental people and I was judgemental about their intolerance and judgements. Most people I run into are kind, nice people and I have a hard time with attitudes of others who see people as miserable and not nice. I need to watch my own judgements and be more compassionate if I have an opportunity to be around such souls.
I also see that being judgemental with a few causes a few to really be judgemental with me and I’m talking about people close to me. Whew!!! It all comes back to me, all the kindnesses and unkindnesses. Whoever I give it out to, doesn’t necessarily give it back to me. BUT I do get it back. What I say to anyone may not make a difference, but how I say it can stay for a long time.
A few years ago, my son, his children, wife and her mother came to Canada, from England. There was a family reunion in Osoyoos, British Columbia where my mother lives. Some of my children were there, a sister and a brother and many nieces and nephews. There were about thirty of us. My sister had planned a secret birthday celebration, not just a family get together. We stayed in motels on the beach, sea-dooed, swam, did some boating and tubing. We included my mother and she would be brought from her home to join us. We ate together, drank together and talked and laughed a whole lot. It was great fun and terribly thoughtful of my sister to do this and I was thrilled and flattered.
In all of this, I remember looking up to see Anne’s eyes staring at me. Anne was my son’s mother-in-law. On the beach, at the picnic table, anywhere I was, there was Anne staring. She never smiled, just stared. I attempted to talk to her a few times, but she only made small tight comments. If other people were around, she was much more animated.
When the gathering broke up, my son decided that we should travel to as many hot springs as possible for his English wife and mother. My daughter and I travelled in our van while my son, children, wife and mother-in-law drove with him in his rented van.
We stayed at motels in the mountains and sat in pools of springs in the mountains. One hot spring included the caves from which the hot water poured into a man made pool. My daughter and I walked and pushed our way through waist deep water into the caves while the water grew hotter and hotter. Sitting in all these natural and man made pools, the views were beautiful. Mountains and rivers and forests, they took my breath away.
Through all this, I could feel the tension and Anne’s eyes boring into me. Finally, we were a day or two from Edmonton and we found a gorgeous lake in the mountains bordered on all sides with mountains. Anne and I were left on the beach while the rest of the gang went in the water. We sat on a bench and Anne turned to me and ranted about bad psychic things were. No one should believe in anything like that, for you would only be let down. Anne worked herself into such a state that little bits of spit had gathered on her bottom lip. Was she angry! Holy! I didn’t say much except that when people are being helped, there is no bad.
After that moment, I really avoided Anne. I left the bench and sat on a tree stump and watched my children and grandchildren play. At this point, we had been together for just over a week. Edmonton was a short time away, when Anne would be staying in my house for three more weeks.
When my son and daughter left for any errand, Anne would snap at me. In front of them, she was a little friendly but still stared. When the children needed attention, she took over. If the baby was left and cried , I would offer to take her. Anne would snap at me, ‘No I’ll take of her. I’ve had three children.”
She said that a few times, meanwhile I had six children. One time
, it took Anne at least 20 minutes to stop the baby from crying, The baby fell asleep for about 20 minutes, woke up and cried for a good half hour. I offered to help and made suggestions but the crying went on and on. My help was refused with a sneer but when my son and daughter-in-law came home, Anne cornered her daughter away from my son and me. Poor Michelle stood there while her mother vented about how much she had to do.
Anyway three weeks of this, some racism thrown in and my ex-husband had a surprise party for me at a restaurant. When my son and his party showed up for dinner, they had already eaten. The rest of the party was festive as Anne stared and stared.
I should have realized how wounded she was and I do think I would handle it differently now. I don’t think poor Anne is well-liked in her own family. I think she would like to be liked and definitely loved. Hostility does not make friends. All I was doing was trying to avoid an argument so that my son and his wife would stay. I should have been more proactive, more compassionate. I need to be less judgemental and more tolerant, otherwise all I become is the person I dislike. There’s that old saying,’ if you become obsessed with the enemy, you become the enemy.’
This reading poked my eyes open. I just need to be what I believe.